I am a conformist. I don't really every stand up for what I believe in when it comes to something that might end up in an arguement. I don't like conflict. I don't even like explaining myself most of the time. I do not enjoy telling people how I feel, why I feel that way or even letting them see how I truly feel.

I have put myself into boxes, where I try to make myself fit. I have determined that those boxes are safe, and as long as I don't stray from them then I stand a far less chance of being hurt.

But if I stay in my little boxes (for my boxes are small and limiting) then it makes it really hard to reach out and truly get to know other people.

I don't want to conform to the patterns of this harsh unloving world, but it is so difficult to live counter-culturally in the western world. We all live separated from one another. We don't deal with our problems. We ignore them and others. This is why I live in boxes.

I don't want to. But I do want to.

So I am trying to change the boxes I live in. Some are easier than others to change. I believe that I may even be able to break down some of them. But there are others that I am afraid to change. I feel that I need to hide them in other boxes rather than decorate them or open them because that would draw to much attention.

The boxes that I hide are the ones that are helping me conform. They contain my pain. The pain of not being accepted for who I am. The pain that leads me to believe that the world must be right and if I follow all of their rules very very carefully then the pain will go away. But the world is lying to me. The more I keep that pain to myself, hidden amongst the boxes, the less likely I am to let others to see what is in the other boxes. Less likely to show people who I am and let them love me for me and take away my box of pain.