She gazed down at herself. No way, she thought, no way could anyone ever see me as strong?. Do they never see me bite my lip in worry? or how, like at this moment, my toes are pointed together because I'm so unsure of myself?
Gazing around the room she mentally checked off the times when these people had come so close to seeing her break down. Would she be seen as an impostor then? Because that is how she felt when hanging around them. She must never let them see her cry.
She was so torn, torn between confusion that these individuals couldn't see the real her, her pain that made her tear up oh so often, and pride that she has successfully convinced them that she was such a strong person that nothing affected her.
Then for a brief moment she relaxed, and smiled a little smile. The kind that you give when you have a little secret joy inside of your heart. For her it was the joy that her efforts had paid off, and that she had not blown her cover in front of them. It lasted for only small time, a smidgen of a second, before she remembered how much it costs her to not be herself, to play pretend all the time, and then her toes turned inwards towards themselves once again.
She was so torn, torn between confusion that these individuals couldn't see the real her, her pain that made her tear up oh so often, and pride that she has successfully convinced them that she was such a strong person that nothing affected her.
Then for a brief moment she relaxed, and smiled a little smile. The kind that you give when you have a little secret joy inside of your heart. For her it was the joy that her efforts had paid off, and that she had not blown her cover in front of them. It lasted for only small time, a smidgen of a second, before she remembered how much it costs her to not be herself, to play pretend all the time, and then her toes turned inwards towards themselves once again.
