Sunday, February 22, 2009

Some days… oh some days. Why do I feel this way? I feel so alone, all by myself despite the loving people who surround me. How can I feel so isolated?
Why is it not possible for me to accept and believe people when they tell me that they care? I want to feel the love, believe that I am lovable, but it is so hard coming from a place where I was never told that I was loved. Even their actions, or maybe especially their actions made any other belief seem ridiculous. I need to defend myself, trust no one, and protect myself from all the harsh words. The harsh words that continue to resound in my head, which simply get louder when accompanied by the lack of action from those who were supposed to care most. They reinforce. Continually.
So now, even though things have changed - circumstances, the words people tell me – I still hear what they used to tell me, because I haven’t heard the new words, the love, long enough for them to actually sink in and become real enough to shape how I view myself.
Instead I just feel alone.

1 comment:

Liz said...

you are so loved, tori.